In past years I would send hundreds of pictures down the path every day. It stayed smooth and wide and meant that the actual effort of drawing something was very minimal. I would just think it and it would be there. As long as I could make a good picture in my head, I could make the picture happen on paper in a close-enough kind of a way. It meant that I didn’t have to think about the act of drawing and could focus on thinking of more challenging things to draw (Not that I did much of that. The same girlface forever!).

Last year I got a job. I didn’t get a dream job, just a regular job. Somewhere to be 5-6 days a week and get paid for it. This has meant a great deal to me, much more than I can sum up in words. I am a stronger, healthier and happier person because of it. I have learned so much and beaten demons I never thought I’d conquer. It’s difficult to explain how different things are for me from year from a year ago, sometimes I don’t think I’m even the same person.

Unfortunately jobs take time and energy. When I get home all I feel like doing is curling up with something comfortable – like a book or knitting – and not doing much else. This has meant that I’m not drawing hundreds of pictures a day anymore. It’s a struggle to even draw every day. And after each long stretch it is so hard when I pick up the pencil again.

My path between my head and my hand has become overgrown and is covered in brambles. Ideas still get sent down, but some seem to be getting stuck. The movements that get to the other end are stunted and unsure, and it is the most frustrating feeling in the world, to have the pictures in your head remain stuck there. Especially when they used to flow so effortlessly.

A part of me just wants to curl up and give up, but then the other, bigger part of me knows that’s actually impossible. It doesn’t matter how hard it gets, I will come back fighting. The path may be brambley now, but I won’t let it stay that way. I will take all of the learning I’ve done in the last year and combine it with regular drawing. And all of it, even these artblock angsts, will make the pictures that get down the path even better than ever.

I’m tired, but I’ve been tired before. This is a shadow of what tired used to mean to me. It’s time for me to stop resting and start making. 2012 is the year of making things.

I am going to be tutoring a manga and comic illustration class this year. I shall be co-running it with Su Mon, and it will be based at Hutt Minoh Friendship House. Classes start on 29th of February and will run from 7-9pm. We’ll be covering lots of cool stuff like character design, panel flow, scriptwriting and composition

It’s $150 for the 8 week course, and is aimed at an audience aged 12 and over.

We only have 15 spots in the class, so if you’re interested, register your place now by emailing minohmanga@gmail.com, or contacting Su on 021-264-7274.

I think I’m starting to get the hang of him here. Although I’m still struggling to draw him the same way across multiple sketch sessions.

I feel that it’s very important for this story that it has a setting. It needs to be based somewhere real. Partly because the dialogue is so poetic, but also because I feel that backgrounds will help me to tell a better story and will help me say more about the characters. When I’ve limited myself to so few words and only two characters, something else needs to step up and fill the space. Finally, finally, it’s time for scenery.

I started a couple of small paintings of Tenki and Oliver on different parts of Wellington’s waterfront. If I was unsure before, I definitely know that the story is set here now. I’ve been working my illustrations from photographs of locations. This technique does mean I’ve got a bit of legwork in my future to collect some more backgrounds, but that’s all a part of the fun.

One of the important locations in the book is Oliver’s flat. I’m playing around with how it might work at the moment, but I expect it to evolve quite a bit as I do some more research into it. I can’t base his flat off my own, because I don’t think this is somewhere my characters would inhabit.

I’ve been playing with watercolour, and while I love it I am still not sure it’s the right feel for the project. I haven’t found my colours yet, but I’m having a lot of fun trying to find out.

I want to share the draft script, but to be honest it sounds better when it’s read aloud than when it’s written down. I am partway tempted to read it and record it for youtube or similar. I’ll decide by the next post…

I’ve had this short comic idea in my head for a good while now, but it’s only begun to materialise in the last few weeks. Essentially it’s a little mermaid story about a girl who travels the world in search of sunshine, and always leaves when it gets cold. Until one sunny day she falls in love with a boy, and so she decides to stay and see what winter is like. In my original idea she was more of a magical sprite, but recently I’m more drawn to the idea of her being a real girl that just feels magical to the narrator.

The script happened pretty much instantly, and in one go (I love when that happens, that pretty much never happens). Here it is handwritten on two pages of sketchbook. I think this shorter format really suits my writing style, I’m keen to stick with it for a while. I’ll share the draft in the next post.

This picture slightly predates me beginning to work on the comic. I like to do small speedpaints in photoshop occasionally, to play with colour and stay sharp with the program. It was only once I started working on the comic and planning her design that I clicked that that was who my Yellow Ukulele girl was. At the moment her working name is “Tenki”, but that might change.

I pretty much instantly know what I want her to look like. She is small, yellow and has hair made of circles. I want her to have a vintage feel, but to not harken too strongly from any particular era.

Her dresses are 40′s-50′s influenced, and her hair is supposed to look like exaggerated 20′s hair. The exact details are still in development, but you can get a pretty clear idea already who she is from these sketches.

If you’ve followed my art for any length of time you’ll notice I don’t often draw boys. I find their proportions awkward and alien and I feel like my attempts always end up feeling clumsy and stiff. It’s incredibly important that I get over this for this comic, as my male character narrates the entire thing. It’s important he is expressive and easy to relate to, and matches the female lead.

Meh.

Nyeh.

There, he’s starting to look more how I want now. Originally I thought he should be more angular to offset Tenki’s circles and curves, but I think that being oval and elongated gives the kind of feel I’m after much clearer. Also I think I’ll be able to have a lot of fun putting expressions on his face.

There’s still an awful lot of work ahead, but I am enjoying the direction these sketches are going in.

More soon!

My goals for 2011 were pretty simple. I wanted to be employed and healthy. I honestly thought they were borderline impossible things to want, but I’ve been able to prove myself wrong. I get to ring out this year with a full time job, and the ability to stand on my own two legs for all 8 hours of the working day. This is a bigger achievement than I have words for, and probably needs its own post at some point.

Now that that’s done, it’s time to get back into the art. 2011′s been a bit fail in regards to actually completing illustration work. I finished very few pages of my comic The Otherwalls, even though I’d planned it to be its biggest year ever. I did finish a few things and sold a few things, but it never felt like enough. I’m not sure I can quite capture with words how it feels to not be able to draw. It’s like a vacuum, an anti-thing. It sits on me and fills my heart with emptiness that no amount of socialising, money, friends, or good times can fill. Until I’m making art again, something will always be missing. Always.

Even though I haven’t been drawing as much as I’d like, I have been thinking about it constantly. I’ve had time to reflect on who I want to be as an artist, rather than just creating a constant stream of noise, like I have up until this point. Now I feel like I need to edit my work a bit more, making sure it’s going to contribute to a bigger story.

I guess this is all part of maturing as an artist. It feels pretty good, especially now that ideas are finally beginning to solidify and projects are starting to take shape in my head. They’re all stories with very clear direction, and while I should probably try and do one at a time, they all link together in some way, so they need to be executed simultaneously.

I’ve started a brain-book to help me plan out the projects I have in mind. At the moment there are about five major projects all with overlapping links that tie them together in some big and little ways.

They’re largely collaborative projects, which has me very excited. They’re also all on awesome things. Comics, stories, history, fiction, non-fiction, New Zealand, Japan, print, web, poetry, magic. It’s all going to overlap and be amazing and I’m going to make sure it all happens. I’m dusting off this blog and I’ll be sharing the progress of things as I go. It’s all going to be very awesome and exciting and I just can’t wait.

2011, you were great, but 2012, you’re going to be awesome.

It seems to me it’s a season of celebration, so I’m putting a bunch of prints up for sale! Half price, even! The Sale will run until Friday the 28th.

$10NZ each, plus $5 for shipping worldwide.

Below is a slideshow of the illustrations available as prints. The set is also viewable here. Others in the ‘Shiny Stuff‘ folder can be made into prints by arrangement.

Please email me at jem.yoshioka@gmail.com to order. Payment can be made either through Paypal or by Direct credit to my Bank account for New Zealanders.

Thanks everyone!

Lots of cool stuff’s been going on, too. I’ve released all of my work to creative commons. My entire flickr stream and all of my webcomic The Otherwalls are up for use under CC-BY-SA licensing. I timed it to coincide with the awesome Mix & Mash, so people could use my work to remix if they wanted to.

I painted for seven hours yesterday, while listening to Sophie Madeleine’s 30 Days of Covers playlist. Nothing is quite as awesome as completing a painting that’s been unfinished for ages, and have it turn out even better than I thought it would. That doesn’t happen very often at all.

Also: TWITTER IS AWESOME.

I had no idea what to put on the other half of this painting. And so, like with most problems in my life, I turned to the internet. My friend Brock suggested Dinosaur, which seemed pretty ridiculous to combine with my existing illustration.

Well, I do like a challenge.

I really love how it turned out, and it’s a completely different direction to how I would have taken the piece.

I’m planning to auction it off, perhaps via twitter, or using trademe. I’d appreciate any suggestions for how to handle it.

It should be mentioned that I had a couple of other awesome suggestions, including Dapper Anthropomorphic Bunny. I think I’ll have to put him into a different illustration, it’s too good of an idea to waste.

There’s still a lot that I want to be doing better at, but if there wasn’t things would sure get boring. I still get upset with some of the things CFS has taken from me, but it’s actually given me a lot too, in its own ways. I’m pretty grateful for the person I’ve become through these experiences. I’m so much stronger than I would otherwise be, and getting better all the time.

Thanks, 2011, for being so amazingly excellent to me so far, and you’re not even over yet!

Projects like making birthday hats for my 16-year-old brother. (Modeled here by me)

I’ve been attempting to snatch drawing time as I can find it. This has resulted in a small set of images I’ve been tagging #morningSUSHIsketch. It’s quite an excellent constraint to see what I can come up with during my morning coffee.
See the rest of the set here.

Projects keep piling up. I’m helping start the Midori Sushi Facebook page, which is a new and exciting challenge. I’m working on running manga classes for high school students. There’s amigurumi and knitting and preparations for craft 2.0. I keep having ideas for short one-off comics which makes me feel I should begin making and collecting them together somewhere. Probably here.

Characters like this one are showing up and quietly demanding small stories of their own. They are very clear that they’re most definitely not Otherwalls characters, thank-you very much.

And then there’s The Otherwalls itself. My sleeping behemoth of a story. I have scripted chapter 5 and am currently working on the thumbnails. I’m not sure exactly how I’ll go about producing these pages, every chapter seems to like to be a bit different from the previous ones. I’m excited to find out. And since time doesn’t seem to magically be freeing up anytime soon, I guess I’ll just have to force Otherwalls in.

Along with my sushi job I’m now working three days a week at Holland Road Yarn Company in Petone. I love being surrounded by so much amazing colour, it’s a real inspiration. I’ve been making Amigurumi, which I will be selling at Craft 2.0 on July 2nd. I shall also have art prints and a few other goodies.

After having been out of regular work for so long it is incredibly refreshing and rewarding to have two such amazing jobs to go to on a regular basis.

I’m still working out the best ways to juggle my time to make sure I still get enough illustration time in. I haven’t managed to update The Otherwalls for a couple of months, and I’m starting to get desperate to work on it again. I did some quick thumbnail concepts yesterday, which has scratched the itch but also made me yearn for more time for it.

I have a couple of other projects quietly cooking away, which I will be looking forward to talking more about soon.

I have a job now, and quite a different one to what I was expecting. I’m working as a sushi assistant at Midori Sushi on Willis st. I handed in my CV there in November but heard nothing from them until now. I was kept on file because the daughters of the owner wanted to meet me since I was an artist! I believe that this is officially the cutest way to get a job.

It’s quite intense work that requires a lot of focus and stamina. There is a lot to do and remember, and it all has to be done exactly the right way. I’m finding the transition into work quite unusual (because I’ve been unwell since before graduating, I haven’t ever had a normal job), but at the same time really rewarding and motivating. I’m enjoying things like mornings, serving customers and having many small tasks to focus on. The morning routine becomes almost meditative.

I love that the job is incredibly Japanese. Behind the counter everyone speaks Japanese, which has improved my listening comprehension unbelievably. I feel like I’ve stepped into Japan when I get to work, and only clues like the voltage transformers bolted to the walls and the chicken sushi give away that we are actually still in New Zealand. I could write so much on this weird transplanting of Japan overtop of New Zealand.

This is the Nigiri machine. I love how it proclaims it has the TOP Power of rice!

My work has to be both quick and presentable. If I focus more on one I get told off for the other. The only way to improve at this is for me to gain experience. Every day I improve a bit more, and every day I forget something different. I work with really lovely people. While they’re strict, they’re also understanding.

The downside of having this job is I’m being pulled away from my creative projects. The Otherwalls feels a bit forgotten, and preparing for Armageddon and Craft 2.0 feels like an uphill mission.

I’m hoping once my hours settle and I get better at my work that I will be able to claim back some of my brain power to use for creating. At the moment I’m running on a mix of sushi and the pop radio we listen to while we work. I love the sushi, but the radio makes me feel musically malnourished. Still, if the radio is the only thing that I don’t like about my job, I guess I’m doing pretty well!

Learning to draw good clothes is pretty much like learning to draw an entirely new character. They say so much about the wearer instantly. When a character is naked (as a lot of mine are), they’re timeless and untainted by genre. As soon as you dress a character they’re gong to get judged for what it is you’ve put them in. Even though nakedness expresses more vulnerability, as an artist I feel far more self-conscious about posting characters who are dressed.

I don’t think I’m all that good at making sure the clothes I dress my characters in speak clearly about who they are. I’ll often draw them in watered-down versions of what exists in my wardrobe, since it’s on hand at the front of my mind. It doesn’t help I currently find what I own very boring.

This clothes mismatch is the main reason I dislike my last watercolour. I don’t think the clothes say anything exciting about who she is. It’s my job to make sure that everything in the picture is playing an equal role in telling the story, so it’s time I learned how to speak through style.

This is the fun part though! I get to do heaps of awesome research followed by tons of practice! I’m serious, I love this part SO MUCH. And there are few things more inspiring and original to me than a blog on Japanese street fashion, so what better place to start?

I’ll probably throw some of The Sartorialist in to the mix too, once I’m in a good flow.

If you have any other suggestions for awesome fashion blogs (street, high fashion, runway, editorial, male, vintage, New Zealand), please let me know! I am a sponge for visual information!

Oh, and a huge big thank-you to everyone who responded to my last post. You guys are AWESOME and so incredibly helpful. This is why I know the internet is the best place to call home.

I’m okay with that. And usually I’m happy to just let you quietly influence me from the background and give me support when I need it almost by osmosis.

But now I really need your help. I have to find a job and get on with this real life thing I hear people mention. I know I know, I’d prefer just to sit around all day hanging out with you, drawing comics and making awesome stuff. But the sad truth is that sometimes awesome stuff just doesn’t pay the bills. Like rent and food and yes, even internet.

I know that I’ve been incredibly lucky up until this point to have been able to avoid real life pretty much continuously. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome’s not something I’d wish on my enemies, but to be fair it has paid off in a bunch of really odd ways. I have been able to focus on getting well and improving my art at the same time.

I’ve finally reached the point where I don’t want to be ‘the sick girl’ anymore. I want to be able to stop asking for handouts and be able to use my own legs to sustain myself. I’m pretty sure they’re strong enough to hold me up now.

So what I need from you now is a bit of help finding work. It doesn’t have to be fun or exciting or permanent. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be paid. It just has to help me gain skills so that I can become more independent. If you don’t have work for me, perhaps you’d be keen to meet with me, look over my CV and talk possible jobhunt strategy? I haven’t ever had a ‘normal job’ before, so any help o how I smooth talk my way onto a paycheck would be incredibly appreciated.

The help that I have had so far has said to ‘use your networks’, and you’re the biggest network I know.

I’m not looking for a career. I know what I want to do, I want to illustrate. The more I try to step away from it, the more it pulls me back in. Unfortunately is is very hard to be an illustrator immediately. What I need is something small that will fit in nicely in-between things and pay my bills while the other part of me gets her shit together in order to make a proper go of it. I need something to be able to pay for my sketchbooks, my art supplies, and my stock.

Here’s a copy of my current CV. Please let me know what can be improved with it.

I’m crowsourcing this, because it’s the only thing I know how to do. Come on internet, I know I can count on you.

This painting has two stories. The first story tells how I was inspired to paint this picture, and the second one tells about how I decided to finally finish it. I wasn’t sure whether to share the second story or not, but I decided it’s a part of the painting, so perhaps that means it’s worth sharing.

Over six months ago, in June, I was researching Art Deco for Chapter 3 of The Otherwalls. My awesome Art Deco reference book (which keeps me company even now) had this small unassuming copy of “Miss Nancy Beaton as a shooting Star” by Cecil Beaton. Even though it was a black and white photograph, I felt like through the depth of tone that I could feel the colour radiating out from it. It made me feel this strange prick of joy from seeing all this colour where there obviously was none. I decided I wanted to do my own version, to share the colours I glimpsed the first time I saw the image.

I sketched it immediately and laid down base colours, but I couldn’t get the feeling the original image had conjured up in me. I left it to sit for a while, and every so often I would wade back into it and muck around with the colours again. It quickly became a quagmire of soupy mess and I restarted it about three times before I settled on a colour palette I was comfortable with. Even then I didn’t have the attention span to stay bogged down in dress folds.

So I saved it into its own little folder and let it sit, promising myself that I would come back and finish it when the time grabbed me. Usually if this happens to a painting of mine (especially a digital painting), it never gets picked up again. It joins the graveyard of unfinished work and gathers digital pixel dust as it grows old and finally corrupts.

And so we come to the second story, set in this weekend just past. After a very intense couple of weeks with broken sleep, nightmares, and a whole lot of stress, this painting was exactly what I needed. I had already finished all the important structural thinking, I just had to finish it. I was able to let myself really get lost in amongst the depth of colour in the folds like I was wanting to do for months. The discovery of a few new photoshop brushes helped too, giving me the right tools to get the shape in the dress that I really wanted.

Few things are quite as delicious as how painting feels to me. I love lines, I love faces and shapes, but it’s colours that really make my soul sing. Working on this reminds me that I am an artist, that painting hundreds of colours into strange fabric folds is me in my element.

There are a lot of things I need to sort out and fix in my life. A job, an illustration career, a comic. How to be a grown-up (whatever that is). All these things that have weighed on me and made me feel broken now feel possible because I’ve finished this painting. It’s been so unfinished for so many months, but I got there. If I can finish this, I can finish anything. I can fix anything. I might need to shelve things away until I am ready to face them, but when I do I can make them more beautiful than before. I can make them shine.

And on that note I hope you like her. I’m so happy she is finally ready to be shared.

The Christchurch earthquake is present at the front of my mind at the moment. I have no money, so there is really nothing else I can do other than be present.

If you would like a copy of this as a print, Click here to download. I ask that you donate to the Red Cross directly in exchange, since I can’t.

Donations can be made:
Online at www.redcross.org.nz/donate
By cheque to: New Zealand Red Cross 2011 Earthquake Appeal, Freepost 232690, PO Box 12140, Thorndon, Wellington 6144
By Direct Credit Transfer to our Special Appeal Bank Account: Kiwibank 38-9009-0759479-00 and the account name is RED CROSS.
By Direct Credit Transfer to our Special Appeals Bank Account: ASB 12-3192-0015998-02
At any branch of PostShop Kiwibank, ASB and ANZ bank

Thanks Everyone.

This year I recognised two of the speakers before heading into the conference – Amanda Palmer and Scott McCloud. While I am sure they had many other fans within the 700-strong attendee audience, I feel like Mike and Tash invited them just for me (and no one can tell me otherwise). I got to have my own moments with both of them. Amanda signed my Ukulele and Scott said really beautifully encouraging things about my artwork. I’m very grateful and so inspired to have had the opportunity to talk with such talented people.

The presentations themselves are of the quality you’d expect from an international conference. The speakers come from a wide range of backgrounds to tell you not just about the current state of the industry, but also about the history and how that may affect the future. We hear about what’s broken, what’s working, and what’s interesting. We get to hear about how we can be a part of it. Each speaker has a strong passion for what they’re discussing, and even when it’s a field I know nothing about I can’t help but get inspired. (If you want a sense of what the presentations were like, check out the collective google notes)

I think the power of Webstock is in the mix of speakers from a range of disciplines. I doubt there are many other lineups where you can hear Musicians, Artists, programmers, writers, and designers all speak during the same two days. I like to think it helps us all realise how much we have in common. What a good programmer needs isn’t so different from what a good designer needs, only the skill set is different.

Web is so often a divisive experience. We are put into boxed categories and given one piece of a job to do each. But each part relies on and needs the other parts to exist properly. Webstock is an experience where we all come together and break down those barriers. We learn a little bit about the other parts of what makes up the web. The more respect and understanding we have for the other roles within our teams, the more awesome we will be able to make things. And then we will be able to make the most awesome things.

The only thing that everyone at Webstock has in common is love. Do what you love, and good things will happen. While we all come from different disciplines and backgrounds, this theme runs strongly through the entire conference. Make things and make them with love. Webstock itself is made with love, and that’s evident in even the smallest of details.

Two full days crammed in the Wellington town hall filled with so much love, such intelligent discussion, and such beautiful conversation. It replenishes tired batteries and recharges souls. Last year I realised I could do this stuff, this year I realised I already am doing it.

I’m now two days out of the conference and I still can’t help but grin at everyone I walk past. It makes me miss Webstock so much, because there every single person smiled back.

See you all next year.